The Good. The Bad. The Fallen.

Oh dear. Transformers 2 came out. I don't know what it was. Maybe I was bitter going into the movie. Or maybe I just had extremely high expectations. All I know, is that Transformers 2 was kind of a let down. Now, as I write this, I'm currently sleep deprived from trying to steer a retarded chocobo through a rigged map of hell seeking birds and balloons that defy the laws of gravity so this might be more bitter than what I originally intended it to be but oh well.

The Good: I liked the action. And the big guns. And the giant robots.

The Bad: So categorically I can break it down as to why this was no bueno.

1. Lack of a story: I realize that this was Transformers so I really shouldn't have expected a story to begin with but what I did not expect was a shit ton of copy and paste and then multiple themes blended together hoping maybe you'll get something. You did not. Action, comedy, legacy, sci-fi, love story, destiny and "learning a more important life lesson" were all jammed nice and snug in the 2 and half hours between shots taken from the last movie and explosions. Seriously. I swear I recognized the same exact military mustering that was done in the last movie. And the plot was exactly the same. Start sequence/fight/humans don't trust robots/looks like everyone's gonna die/find solution/get to solution/someone nearly dies/everyone's saved/end. The only thing different was "What I've done" wasn't playing in the background at the end.

2. Michael Bay: I realize now that Michael Bay isn't really a director. He's just some demolition junkie who happens to have a megaphone and sits in a director's chair. In short, he uses his powers as a director to see how many tons of dynamite he can use every hour of film he does.

3. Megan Fox: She didn't take off her clothes.

4. Shia Lebouf: Louis Stevens will never grow up to be a man in my eyes.

5. Graphics: So one of the reasons why I liked the first Transformers was that it was AWESOME seeing giant robots fight, but it seemed to be in a bit more...moderation. In Transformers 2 there was overstimulation of flashing lights and confusing battle scenes in which you couldn't really tell what was going on, you just kind of accepted the fact that the tornado of metal and bright lights was some robots fighting. Unfortunately this movie had an almost cartoon feel to it which makes me a sad panda.

6. The Sequel Effect: Whatever happened to letting a movie stand on its on feet? Why do directors insist upon just stoping movies instead of actually ending them. There is a difference between leaving your audience guessing as to what will happen to the main characters and pulling down your pants, smacking your ass and saying, "want more where that came from?". Okay. We get it. You're gonna make another one. Instead of putting in another two year gap how about you just make this one better then the first one. I think that in itself will be enough to get me to come back for more.