Plane Day

So my mom and dad called me to tell me happy plane day. In my family, Plane day is the day, 20 years from January 13th when I arrived in my plane, a bundle of joy, from Korea. And as corny as it is, I did a lot of thinking about myself. Most of it was on the John yes, but a lot also happened when I was working.

So my manager told me that I have an issue with doing everything myself and not asking other people for help. I brushed this off as, "well I do things better/faster than most people I work with" or the more modest "I lead by example and hope other people will follow"

When in actuality, it has a lot to do with me growing up. Ever since I was little, or as far back as I can remember, I always felt different. Well not just because I was the only person in my family with black hair and small eyes, but also things were just fundamentally different.

My interests, which were definitely more Asian than my brothers or family in general, already separated me when I was younger. Now, psychologically people could analyze that and say it's not because I'm Asian but just because that's my preference. I disagree but until I get myself psycho-analyzed I'll stick with my own theory. Anyways the point is I've always felt different.

And then I realized that it was not just because of how I acted, but how I was treated. Don't get me wrong, my parents cared and loved for me as much as they did for my other brothers. I never doubted that for a second. But now I think I know. I think my mom and dad gave me special attention and treatment because of my adoption. Not because we had similar interests, but because I was adopted and they felt like I needed more attention. Or when they reserved their anger on me but not my brothers because I was adopted.

My whole life I've been singled out and sympathized with by my family when I have this ignorant, and rather stubborn pride where I'm not satisfied until I'm treated as an equal. That's why I work so much, not cause I necessarily need the money, but to prove to myself and to my parents (in some way) that I can handle myself and don't need help. I HATE it when people feel the need to baby to other people because they feel sorry for them. As stubborn as it sounds, I know people, like my parents, have the best intentions for me, but is it so bad to want to be respected? Or even treated the same as your peers? I dunno. I don't know how to gauge it unbiased but that's just how I am now. Why I like to do things on my own, without anyone's help, or the need to pay and not have any people feel obligated that they need to watch out for my needs or whatever, because I can do it myself.